I’m sitting here in a massage chair, getting a pedicure as I write this. It is only my second pedicure since becoming a mum, almost exactly three years ago. My mum has the boys while I escape for an hour to use a voucher that I was given for Christmas. It is almost July.
It feels luxuriant and decadent and wonderful and I’m making promises to myself that this won’t be the last time. The truth is, that first time around, I felt nothing but guilt when I left my then 10month old baby with my husband and in laws to indulge in a treat (another voucher) that I didn’t feel I deserved. This time around it feels different. I feel different.
The feelings of inadequacy that I had as a first time mummy have all but gone and life with two is good. People ask me how much harder two is compared with one and then look at me suspiciously when I say it’s easier. But it is. Number two is a better sleeper, a better feeder, his birth was better and, as a result, I’m a better, stronger, happier mum. Or perhaps the above is all true because I’m a better, happier, more relaxed mum. Either way, for me, life with two is infinitely better than life as a first time mum.
Which, if truth be told, was pretty gruesome for me. Between the lack of sleep (he didn’t sleep through the night at all until 18 months) and the enormous weight of guilt that motherhood brought to my door, I was certainly not in line for any mum of the year awards. In hindsight, I was not a well girl.
I equated pampering with my past life and Pampers with my present. But today, it’s clear to me, as I truly relax and enjoy this experience, that I’m in a very different place now. My boys are happily playing with their Nanna, while I take some much needed down-time. And it feels deserved this time.
My feet have earned this snatched hour of indulgence. All that running around after my toddler, all that getting up in the night for the little one, not to mention the weight they carried through my last pregnancy. Running after two under three for the last 9 months has really kept us on our toes. Thank you feet, this is your moment.
Don’t get me wrong. Of course I still feel guilty and shameful… but this time it’s because of the pitiful state of my feet and forgetting to shave my legs!